New Year
by Silver Moon of Night
Summary: Karkat is heart-broken when he catches sight of John and Vriska together at the group's new year party, but all isn't as it seems, and John hurries to make amends. Post-game.


Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck. 

New Year

Karkat sank down with his back pressed to the respiteblock door (noting with relief that Gamzee's recuperacoon wasn't here, so it was the guest bedroom; he'd always liked Gamzee to come to his hive for feelings jams, feeling uncomfortable in the shared home of his long-time moirail and the human he had almost cheated on him with, who was now his moirail's matesprit), tears flowing freely from his bright red eyes. "Fuck," he mumbled to himself, hands curling halfway into his fists as he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to stop the waterworks. This wasn't happening. He hadn't just seen Vriska and John having sloppy makeouts in the middle of the party, he hadn't seen them pressed close and engaging in less than innocent contact... He'd long ago convinced himself that his flush-crush for the human was simply that, but now he was far less certain.

The evening had started out simply enough. Karkat had spent the majority of the day doing things around his hive before preparing to go to the new year's party that Gamzee and Dave were hosting, Dave being the DJ, of course; the happy matesprits that he envied. He knew John would probably be there, and by himself; the human hadn't shown interest in anyone as of yet, even though they were already the human equivalent of nineteen by this point. Sure, Karkat remembered that he'd liked Vriska for a short while, and before that had a small crush on Rose... But of course, he knew John didn't like males after his pathetic attempt at introducing him to kismesistude. Somehow, though, he felt that John was holding back on a relationship because there was someone in particular that he was interested in, and he was just waiting for the right time.

Well, Karkat supposed he knew who that was now.

The two of them had talked for a little while just before the party began, the two of them being the first to arrive. It had been their usual chat, John joking around and being his usual asshole self, while Karkat had returned the fuckery in his kind, snapping at the boy (maybe young man was a better word now, but he still didn't like thinking about that John had "come of age" for humans now, and could even human marry someone else if he chose) for all of his dumbass comments, but both of them enjoying the banter, even if Karkat didn't show it.

Then others had begun to arrive, and Jade had pulled John away to brightly introduce him to her new matesprit (girlfriend, whatever!) that lived next door to her for some time (secretly, Karkat had assessed that they would be matesprits eventually by the way Jade acted whenever she talked enthusiastically about her new "friend" at their group events). He hadn't seen much of John after that, since it was quite crowded. Their original group had become slightly larger, as the few of them that were more outgoing and better at settling in to the new planet with new people had made friends when they remembered how. Being with a group of the same people fighting a war for a few years took a toll on the social abilities of a person.

He'd caught glimpses of John, and honestly, he'd loved the way he danced, carefree and not knowing or minding how much of an idiotic goofball he looked. John was one of them that made new friends, and he'd invited a couple of them to the party, and Karkat had seen him grab one of them by the hand to pull them into the crowd to dance (the human girl, which made him wonder if he like-liked her), and later he'd seen John making the other two (a human male and a female troll) dance with him, as well as the occasional dance with others from their original group, Tavros, Dave, and even Eridan among them. He'd probably asked almost everyone _except_ Karkat to dance! (He would admit, there were a few moments when he'd fantasized about John coming up to him right before the clock struck midnight, taking his hand and leading him onto the dance floor, where they'd goof off and John would kiss him when the little hand pointed to twelve, saying that he'd saved the best dance for last... But of course, that wasn't going to happen.)

But no dance had hurt so much as when he caught sight of Vriska pulling _John_ this time, instead of him having to pull her onto the dance floor. John was so naïve, he probably didn't even notice how very _provocative _Vriska was purposely being as she danced, and Karkat had watched with jealousy burning in his belly, before heartbreak met his eyes.

He didn't even realize that he was sobbing until there was a knock at the door, and a concerned voice came through above the muffled music from downstairs. "Karbro? Karbro, are you all motherfuckin okay up in there?"

His motions were almost mechanic as he stood up and wrenched the door open, pulling Gamzee in and slamming the door after him, making sure it was locked before pulling his moirail into a hug. "Fuck, Gamzee... John... I saw him with Vriska and I couldn't fucking stand it... It was so damn better when he wasn't... Wasn't fucking interested in anybody. Even if he didn't pity me, at least he wasn't fucking matesprits with someone else!" His shoulders shook as he sobbed into Gamzee's chest, feeling his moirail run his fingers through the hair on the back of his head and make gently shooshing noises.

"Karbro... I can go talk to the motherfucker, if you want," Gamzee offered. "This ain't all motherfucking right to see you so bitchtits upset over some motherfucker who don't all know you pity him like the messiahs don't even know. Fuck, this shit's all making me angry thinking about how he goes on and fuckin ignores you for that spiderbitch!"

The mutant blood swallowed heavily and shook his head. "No... G-Gamzee... Let him be happy, please. I don't want to ruin that for him... Just let him be fucking happy with her... As long as she doesn't go all bitch on him like she did Tavros..." He brought a hand up to return the papping gesture at the mention of Gamzee being angry, trying to calm him as well. "Just let Egbert be all fucking happy with the bitch... Leave them alone and all... Fucking... goddammit..." He closed his eyes, shoulders still trembling but no more tears leaving him.

He could feel his moirail's displeasure as he shifted to lead Karkat over to sit on the edge of the bed, hunched over as his chest heaved with dry sobs, not wanting to cry any longer but unable to help his body's natural reaction to the sadness overtaking him. There was an uncomfortable silence where Gamzee simply combed his fingers through Karkat's hair, tension heavy in the air, before he abruptly stood. "I'm gonna go get that motherfucker. Hang tight." He patted Karkat's back, then left before Karkat could stop him, though it wasn't like he had the strength. He made an attempt to follow, but his legs felt like jelly, and he collapsed to the floor, curling in on himself. This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening, this wasn't happening...

* * *

John pulled away from Vriska's forceful kiss in shock, eyes wide. "V-Vriska!" he gasped in disbelief, stepping away from her. "What the hell was that?" He took another step back, and she frowned as she followed.

"Oh, come on Joooooooohn," she drawled, pursing her cobalt lips. "I know you've liked me since, like, forever ago! I know it's silly to hold on to kiddie emotions, but I've decided to return the sentiment." She blinked owlishly at him, her lips turning up in a sly smirk. "We can take this to my hive, if you like... A kiss and a new relationship for your human new year's, hm?"

"No, Vriska, you have it all wrong!" John hastily said, shaking his head. "I mean, yeah, I did like you, or at least I was pretty sure I was into you, but that was a long time ago!" He could feel his face slowly getting warmer, and he was trying not to make a scene in front of all of their friends, but luckily most of them seemed to have their own conversations to attend to. "I really just want to be friends, Vriska. It's nothing personal, I just..." He blushed even further. This was the moment he was finally going to say it out loud, to someone who wasn't Rose, who'd helped him through the realization period. "I'm not a heterosexual, Vriska. I mean, um, I'm not into girls."

Vriska's eyes widened, and she tilted her head towards him slightly as she raised her eyebrows in skepticism. "John. Come on! You told Karkat that you weren't into guys when we were in the game," John cringed at the mention of that, and her look softened a bit as she sighed, "so you have to be into girls, don't you?"

"That's just it!" the boy protested, shaking his head and folding his arms tightly across his chest, glancing away. "I was younger and I was really confused and the old Earth was filled with all kinds of judgmental people. But not that I've had some time, I dunno, I realized that... Y'know... I really don't like girls, and I do like guys, and there's already someone else that I'm, erm, flushed for..." He blinked up at Vriska, glancing around, wanting that person to be around if he was going to admit it. His stomach lurched as he didn't see him; had he... Had he seen John and Vriska...?

"Fine, I'll respect your choice," Vriska sighed, exasperated, closing her eyes briefly for dramatic effect. She looked back up to add, "Can you at least tell me who- John?" He was rushing away from her, feeling like he would be sick as he pushed through the people, everyone seeming to have decided to crowd in the living room. He made it to the bathroom just in time, pulling up the toilet seat just before he hacked and coughed and wretched into the bowl. Nothing came out, but he still felt awful nonetheless.

"Kar..." he croaked miserably as he finally sat back. "Shit... Karkat..."

"What about Karbro?" John jumped at the sound of Gamzee's voice, and he turned to him with wide eyes, looking up at him, leaning in the doorway, from where he sat on the cold, tiled floor. "You all up and needing somethin from him?" He raised an eyebrow, and John gulped, but before he could stop himself, he was speaking again.

"Where is he? Do you know? I have to tell him that I didn't actually kiss Vriska, she kissed me, and even if he doesn't feel the same, I have to..." He doubled over in pain, a whimper escaping him as it seemed like something sharp dug into his gut, the sheer guilt still tearing at him. "I have to tell him that I love him..."

Gamzee was eerily silent as he studied John, not even offering help as the boy struggled to his feet. "He's upstairs," he finally said, pointing with his thumb. "All motherfuckin' torn up, too. Like you, brother. You got some serious shit to talk about. First motherfucking door on the right."

John smiled weakly, thanking Gamzee as he made his way upstairs, the guilt slowly lessening to a dull ache that still seemed determined to relentlessly knaw at him. He was finally at the landing, and he walked down the hallway until he reached the door, grasping the knob and opening it slowly. "Karkat?" he asked softly, stepping into the room.

He didn't notice him at first, huddled on the floor. His sniffling directed John's attention downward, and he paled as he closed the door softly behind him before kneeling before him, running gentle fingers through his hair. "Karkat... Please, look at me... We have to talk..."

"Fuck!" Karkat yelped as he jolted up, moving quickly away from John as he sniffled. "You're not supposed to be up here, asslicker! Please, just... go away! I don't want to see you right now, no matter whatever the fuck Gamzee said... I'm fucking tired of hurting like this and trying to hide it!"

"Karkat, please!" John's eyes widened, and he took a step towards Karkat. "If you'd just listen-"

"No, you listen!" Karkat snapped viciously. "I don't have to take your fucking shit anymore, Egbert! I don't care if you didn't fucking mean it, my blood-pusher has been broken for the last time! I don't give two shits who you're matesprits with, but you could at least acknowledge me as a patient individual for fucking dropping subtle hints pretty much every time I have spoken to you since I realized I was flushed for you, you fuckwit! I may not be the most succinct or polite or feminine individual, but you could've at least given me a fucking ch-"

John stepped forward, saving them both a little bit of time as he pressed his lips to Karkat's passionately yet firmly, holding him close and tight. Karkat tensed at first, before relaxing, returning the embrace, opening his lips to John when his tongue probed, and all thoughts of those soft lips being on anyone else's but his faded from his mind. All that existed was them, this moment.

When the two of them parted for breath, the faces of both parties were flushed. "Oh, geez, um," John stammered, ducking his head. "Sorry. Um. That was really nice."

Karkat nodded agreement, swallowing past the lump in his throat. "John," he said softly, grabbing the human's hand gently in his own. "Can we... Can we leave?"

Unlike Vriska's proposal to leave the party early, which had so clearly sickened John, this one was gladly met, and he nodded, if a little nervously. He'd heard tales from Rose and Dave and Jade about how immediately physical trolls were in their relationships, and wondered if that was why Karkat was so eager to get going; he didn't know if he minded or not, either.

The two of them made their way downstairs, and no one got in their way as they left, though John was pretty sure he could feel their stares on the back of his head as the two of them bundled up for the chilly Washington weather. It was snowing outside; John was glad that he lived on the came street as Dave, or they would've had quite the long walk home, as it would've already been nearly impossible to drive in the snow. Their friends would probably be stuck here for the next day or two if they didn't leave soon, but John wouldn't mind being snowed in with Karkat.

It took them a few minutes to trudge through the snow, leaving a path in their wake that clearly showed through the rest of the snow, already almost to their knees; he swore he heard Karkat's teeth chattering as he took out his key, fumbling with it in his gloved fingers for a moment before getting it into the lock. He wasn't willing to take off his gloves and sacrifice his fingers to the cold, of course, not when he might need to use them in more... productive ways, very soon.

He pushed open the door, and the two of them rushed inside. Karkat immediately began to take off his winter-wear, at least, as soon as John retrieved his key and shut the door behind them. John followed suit, but he wasn't expecting a pair of slim arms to wrap around his waist as he hung up his jacket, nor the soft touch of warm lips to his neck. The husky whisper in his ear even made him jump a little.

"John... Can we pail?"

The human's entire body tingled, his tongue flicking out nervously over his lips to wet them. "Um... Y-yeah, but I don't think I have a bucket for you to use, Karkat... Didn't you say you needed one, or something along those lines, a while back? To, um, pail with a matesprit or kismesis?"

"I think I'm up for a nice hot shower," Karkat hummed, not answering John's question at all. He frowned, but followed the troll upstairs (he'd spent the night for movie night on numerous occasions before this, so knew where everything was). The troll entered the bathroom first, John a few hesitant paces behind, so that when he entered the bathroom, he was met with the sight of Karkat pulling his pants down with his back to John, his shirt already discarded on the floor. "I only need a bucket to catch all the genetic material so I don't make a fucking mess all over the place that would be hell to clean," he commented back to John. "If we pail in the shower, shouldn't be too much of a fucking problem."

John flushed, but nodded, stepping into the bathroom after Karkat and shutting the door behind him. He watched as Karkat pulled the shower curtain forward, leaning over to turn on the water, the sight disappearing for a brief moment behind fabric as John pulled his shirt off. Oh man, if Karkat didn't still have his boxers on...

"Come on, Egbert." Karkat cast a glance over his shoulder, smirking at John as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of his own boxers. "Come get me if you can handle the heat." He snorted at his own corny dialogue, dropping his boxers before stepping right into the shower.

John was definitely more hasty after that, hurrying to accompany Karkat into the shower, almost tripping as he tried to get his jeans off and kicking his shoes away clumsily. It seemed like Karkat had taken his own shoes and socks off before they came up here, and John suddenly wished he'd thought to do the same. When he finally joined the shadow behind the curtain, he couldn't help but blush.

Karkat's figure, once small and feminine had definitely filled out, as most trolls seemed to when they hit troll puberty (like humans, but a little later, John remembered, and with some differences to it to do with anatomy, which was to be expected). Karkat now looked like something from a fairytale, still fairly short compared to other trolls, but yet still just a couple of inches taller than John, with a lean figure, not too very muscly and bulky, but enough to show all of the hard work Karkat did to keep in shape. Though John was similarly built, he could definitely boast more prominent muscle, though his stomach still retained some pudge from his childhood, spent eating his father's cooking and alternating between playing in his back lawn and on the computer. Karkat's gray skin was marred with lighter areas, and John grimaced at the three almost circular patches on Karkat's stomach and chest, remembering where they came from, and he couldn't help but feel bad that he couldn't have saved Karkat from that pain, though he'd went through very similar things, and bore scars on his own fair skin. Their skin was shiny with the water pouring over them, and the steam that it let off, Karkat's hair clinging to his head and his eyes fluttering open, like he sensed John was there with him now, to reveal the most astonishing red and amber eyes John had ever seen- not as if he'd seen very many eyes colored like that. He averted his gaze in embarrassment, still having yet to build up the courage to even look lower than the waistline.

"It's not a crime to look at your matesprit. That was a really intense look, John." He could hear the smile in Karkat's voice, the teasing amusement, without even having to look at him. His cheeks grew hot once again, abashed that Karkat had caught him looking, though he didn't really know why. Now he could feel Karkat's eyes looking him up and down, and after all that time he'd spent waiting, John was positive that not one inch of skin was going unexamined. He refused to hunch over and try to hide, however, looking back at Karkat, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips once again.

He caught Karkat's distinctive swallow at that motion, and he smiled. "I'm really glad that you feel the same, Karkat." He stepped forward to bring Karkat in for a kiss, so very chaste, Karkat leaning down to accommodate John's height. "I don't know what I'd do if you didn't," he mumbled as they parted.

Karkat rolled his eyes, pulling John closer. "Shut up, Egbert. Just don't think of that. It's not a big deal, okay? We do feel the same." John sucked in a breath as Karkat leaned in to place soft kisses on his neck, feeling the curve of his lips on his sensitive human skin. "And that's a good thing. But we don't need to think about if we didn't right now." John let out a tiny sound as Karkat ran a thumb over one of his nipples lightly, flushing at how easily his body gave in to Karkat's touches. Then again, it just seemed like this was truly a long time coming; he'd waited so long.

"Karkat," he breathed softly, burying his head in his matesprit's neck. It was okay to call him that now, right? He thought it was, he'd called himself John's matesprit, after all. He sighed happily, allowing Karkat's hands to move over him and explore him, feeling up and down John's sides before going back to his now-pert nipples, then dipping down to his waist, rubbing light circles with his claws, barely pressing them into John's skin, being so careful with him, so careful. He seemed to be laving quite a lot of attention to John's neck with his mouth, his kisses getting slowly rougher, but never doing enough to leave any lasting marks. Every so often he'd do something to make John make a noise, a squeal as Karkat's head would dip briefly lower to run his tongue over a rosy nipple, or a whimper as he would let his fangs glide lightly over John's neck, still not enough to cause pain.

"Kar... Karkat..." John was cradling the back of Karkat's head, his matesprit's name leaving his lips as more of a whine this time, impatience starting to crawl over his skin. "Let me do something..."

"Patience," Karkat chided softly, kissing just behind John's ear, smirking. "I've probably waited longer than you have... But don't worry, I'm only this good because I watched your human pornography to accommodate our differences."

John wrinkled his nose at that. "Ew. Um. I didn't need to know that, Karkat. I wasn't really wondering that at the moment. I mean, it's totally good to know that you didn't get bored while you were waiting on me and got with some other guy, but-" He was cut off by a quick kiss, Karkat pressing him to the shower wall gently, before pulling him down with him to the bottom of the shower, where warm water pooled in a shallow puddle and swished with the movement.

"Now," Karkat said, sitting back just a little bit, kneeling with one leg on either side of one of John's, snorting softly. "Feel free to explore, Egbert."

"John," the young man corrected quietly, smiling and putting one hand on Karkat's hip, while the other went round his neck, pulling him back down to kiss him.

The next few minutes were spent with Karkat receiving similar treatment as he'd given John, though John was more clumsy, and it took some time and careful concentration on every little reaction for him to learn that the raised stripes on Karkat's sides were sensitive, like his own nipples, like a different kind of erogenous zone since Karkat didn't have the same anatomy as John. It took even longer, and an accidental touch as he drew his fingers through Karkat's hair, to discover that his horns were especially sensitive around the base, drawing the most wonderful sounds from him.

It was only after several minutes of this that John felt something strange lightly brush his thigh, and he instinctively looked down, wanting to swat whatever it was away. His hand stopped mid-movement, however, as he stared down at the dusky red tendril curling in the air, seeming to reach out and probe for something to latch onto, originating from a slit between Karkat's legs. "Um, Karkat-"

"Shit," Karkat seemed panicked. "Oh god, don't freak out, please. Shit. Um. John, that's my... my bone bulge. Um. My male sex organ." John glanced back at his face before resuming his slightly uncomfortable gawking at the bulge. "It, um, comes out when I get enough stimulus. Which you've been giving. Fuck, please just stay calm, please don't freak the fuck out over it-"

"You're the only one freaking out!" John finally managed to say. "Just fuck me with your weird alien bulge already." He grinned up at Karkat, pulling him down for another kiss.

The troll blushed, but nodded slightly into the kiss, closing his eyes. John could feel the bulge tentatively wandering down, its tapered end searching for his entrance, and he was suddenly struck with a realization, scrambling back quickly. "Um," he mumbled in reply to Karkat's raised eyebrow. "Um... Don't you have to stretch me? Or something?"

"Oh." Karkat blinked before coughing awkwardly. "Yeah. Shit. Do you have any of that lube stuff?"

John's head tipped back against the cool tile of the shower, sighing. "No. God. Sorry." He brought his head back up, before looking warily at Karkat. "Your claws... That's another problem."

"It's not!" the troll hastily said, bringing a hand up to his mouth and biting off the sharp ends of three of his fingernails. "See?" He spat them out into his hand, grimacing as he struggled with the shower curtain, stretching out to throw them away. "Not sharp." He finally leaned back towards John, showing off his freshly-cut fingers. "Just need something as a substitute for lube now." He blinked slowly, before coughing and sitting back. "Uh, unless you want to top this go round. My nook has natural lubrication if you would want to..."

"Saliva," the human said with a smile. Karkat glanced at him in confusion, but before he could ask, John was pulling his newly trimmed fingers into his mouth, drawing his tongue over and between them slowly, and Karkat was completely floored, his cheeks darkening several shades. He was speechless, just allowing John to do what he would, before he pulled the fingers from his mouth a few moments later and gave Karkat a look that was entirely too innocent for what he'd just done, and the entire purpose of it. "There you go. Natural lubricant."

Karkat was stunned for a few moments more before he nodded quickly, not willing to waste another second on waiting. The next kiss wasn't chaste by any means as he started to gently stretch John, the boy clearly trying not to squirm, and Karkat could only feel bad for choosing such a tiny spot for their first pailing, still able to feel the hot water pattering on his back, but he didn't see how he had much of a choice given the lack of a bucket.

He did his best as he stretched John, first one finger, which he took pretty well, then a second soon after, which made him whine and shiver. He took a few minutes to work to ease John's tension then, wondering how he'd won the young man beneath him, so beautiful, despite the alien weirdness that Karkat had first attributed to him. He was perfect, and Karkat wasn't- opposites attract, he supposed.

The third finger was added with a bit of hesitancy from the troll, not wanting to hurt John, and wanting to say that two would be enough for his more pliant troll bulge. But of course, he had to make sure, just to make sure that he wouldn't hurt later. John practically whimpered with the third finger, and Karkat shooshed him, trying to keep him from hurting himself. "Don't strain yourself," he murmured softly, continuing to deliver words of comfort up to the point where he extracted his fingers from the human.

"Relax," he crooned to John, brushing his hair back at the nervous look on his face. "Shhh..." John was finally beginning to realize that this was it, this was the moment when- holy shit, he wasn't going to be a virgin anymore, this would be the most intimate thing he'd ever done and he'd have done it with Karkat! His heart thudded in his chest, and he sucked in a breath as Karkat's bulge slipped into him, warm and strange and all wiggly, but he found he didn't mind one bit.

The troll allowed him a moment, maybe two, to get used to the feeling of the bulge inside of him, before he gently started to rock his hips. John was squirming underneath him once again, ever so slightly, biting onto his tongue. And oh god was he so perfect. Karkat smiled suddenly at John, grinning like a maniac as he dipped his head to rest his forehead in the crook of John's neck, and the other couldn't help but laugh, cut off by a gasp as almost immediately Karkat found what he was looking for, his bulge made for optimal stimulus and precision despite what it looked like.

"Karkat," he whined softly. "Fucking... shit..." Karkat was starting to pant himself, so unused to having matesprit or kismesis to do these things with. But god, the little noises John made... They were so fucking adorable, he couldn't help but laugh. He heard John huff, like he knew what Karkat had been giggling over, before he let out another sound, and then he was giggling himself, drawing Karkat close with his arms and burying his nose in his neck to breathe in his scent.

"Karkat, I love you so much," he whispered softly as his laughter died away. "Please..." one of his noises interrupted here, "never leave."

"I'll try my best on that," was Karkat's response, before he added, "That means I promise I'm not going anywhere, dumbass."

He caught sight of John's hazy smile before his eyes widened, and his nails dug light crescents into Karkat's back. "Kar..." He bit down on his tongue once again, back arching just slightly, hardly noticing the dull ache from being on the hard tub as pleasure coursed through him. Karkat swore under his breath as he felt John get tighter all of a sudden, his muscles squeezing in, and he pulled out just before accidentally using the human as his bucket instead.

It took both of them a few minutes to recover, both catching their breath at first, then their minds; it took Karkat a little longer in his recovery, and when he came back to his senses he discovered that he was horribly thirsty. He saw that John was already cleaning himself, standing up and offering a hand to Karkat.

He felt a tad bashful about the stare that John was giving his general crotch area (and knowing he probably wouldn't be able to go again any time soon, but then again, it shouldn't have been possible for John either), before John inquired, "So your bulge- where does it go?"

A hoarse laugh erupted from Karkat, almost doubling over. Oh, so he was still fretting over anatomy? "It goes back behind the bone sheath," he explained once he got his breath back. "Right in front of the nook." John nodded, looking back up at Karkat's face and smiling, and the two of them finished washing up.

* * *

John and Karkat lay in the human's bed, holding each other close, the room dark. Their even breathing seemed to be the only sound in the room, but each of them knew the other was still awake. It seemed there was no room for words as each took in what they had now. John was almost overwhelmed with his love for Karkat, feeling as though he breathed it in with every inhale, reveling in his warmth as they were finally able to lay side-by-side. Just the two of them, enjoying each other, and that was what John was enjoying most about this moment, living in the here-and-now with his new boyfriend- or maybe matesprit? He could ask later; now all he wanted was this, the content silence between them, the still air and the warm breath and stready movements that came with breathing, and the beat of Karkat's blood-pusher (as he called it) in his ear as he pressed it to Karkat's chest. He silently wished Karkat a happy new year as he heard fireworks go off outside, somehow making it through the snow (or maybe it had stopped snowing by now? neither had bothered to check), somehow mirroring how he felt on the inside, beautiful and ecstatic and feeling like he could fly... Well, he could do that, but he didn't want to draw attention. And besides, there was also the calm stillness to the moment.

They'd seen each other at their most vulnerable, and Karkat could feel a strange sort of super-pity in his blood-pusher. He wanted to ask John what love felt like, just to be sure. But he thought that maybe, love wasn't really something you decided, and it wasn't the same for every person, and _especially _not when one of them was a troll who had dreamed of filling all four quadrants since he was little, but now only thought of John when his mind ventured to possibly filling his other quadrants one day. And even though Gamzee was his moirail... Well, sometimes he was, and sometimes Karkat wasn't sure. But when he was, it seemed more casual, like... like one of John's human "friends." John was there in that quadrant too, the only one there, when Karkat really looked.

If this was love, he thought, then it really wasn't bad at all.

**Something of quality for New Year! I know I promised more updates than this, but... Me and my dad kinda had to move suddenly, so this is really all I can give for right now. Happy new year, everyone!**

**-Silver**


End file.
